I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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