i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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