Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
