i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
