dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
