Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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