Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fill condoms, not promises.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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