He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
