Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
