good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
