I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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