Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
