You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
