hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
