Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
