did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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