please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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