we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
