my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
