A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
