i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
