So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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