went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
