Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
