ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
