Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
