im about as happy as oj after his trial
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
