8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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