I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also, beer. Big fan.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
