and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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