Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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