Houston, we have a squirter
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
