my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
