That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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