I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
