I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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