Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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