And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
