So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
