I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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