dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
