ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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