I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize