why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
