btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're so committed to being not committed
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