So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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