a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
