I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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