She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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