from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
