Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
