I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
