i think my tv is drunk
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
