Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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