gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
