My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
