Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
