Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
