Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
