a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
