As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
