WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
