I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
