The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
