tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
