He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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