Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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