spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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