Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
