the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
