Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
