when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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