This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
