So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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